Category Archives: Relationships

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The Power of Encouragement

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The story is told of two men who shared the same hospital room. One of them faced the only window in the room and would describe in great detail the things that he saw to the man in the bed beside him, who was unable to sit up and gain a view of life outside the hospital.

The man with the view told the other of beautiful things going on outside:

Amazing views of a park with a beautiful lake could be seen from the window of their room. Children delightfully played among ducks and swans. Couples walked arm in arm among colorful flowers. Also the stunning city skyline could be seen.

When the man by the window had been thoroughly describing all that was happenning outside the window, his roommate would close his eyes and imagine all the beautiful scenes of life that were told to him.

One morning the man whose bed was near the window died peacefully in his sleep. His roommate was very sad.

After some time had passed, he asked the nurse to move his bed beside the window. With great effort, he lifted himself up to look out the window and was stunned. There was nothing but a brick wall outside.

Flustered, he asked the nurse, “I don’t understand. Why would he lie to me?” The nurse answered, “Didn’t you know? He was blind and couldn’t see the wall. Maybe he described such wonderful things because they were visions in his mind and he wanted to encourage you?”

The man laid back on his bed and let out a sigh as he softly said, “Yes, that he did.” Then he whispered to himself, “Thank you for sharing your wonderful world, my friend.”

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We All Need Encouragement

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

Sin, pain, and the wear and tear of life make us susceptible to becoming discouraged and hardened. So, how can we encourage those around us?

Here are just a few practical ideas:

1. When you ask, “How are you doing?,” Be Ready to Really Listen. Our culture teaches us to say “fine” whether we are or not. We aren’t meant to probe every person we greet for a deeper answer,  but we can ask God’s Spirit to make us open and aware of those who need encouragement around us.

2. Look Up and Smile – it’s so simple. A smile usually reciprocates a smile and smiling is proven to lift people’s spirits (even strangers passing by us). This simple kind gesture can have a bigger impact than we realize.

3. Speak to the Heart – Fit the encouragement to meet that person in their specific situation. If a friend is discouraged about being unemployed, telling them they look pretty in that outfit probably isn’t gonna do much for them.

4. Pray for People – Where you know people need encouragement, pray for them to be strengthened and ask God to show you practical ways to encourage them. Often, when my family and I have prayed for people who are discouraged, The Lord will lead us to write them letters or invite them over for dinner.

5. Speak God’s Word – Our words are limited in their power to encourage but God’s promises are not. Sharing a passage of Scripture that is relevant to someone’s situation or need can give them a rock to stand on that will not fail.

5. Be Constant – lots of people come in and out of our lives. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be a constant and loyal companion to a few. There are a handful of people who I call when I am deeply discouraged and I know that no matter what happens or how I feel in that moment, they are going to stand with me and hold up my arms when I feel deflated.

Who do you know today who could use encouragement? Probably anyone around you! Make a point today to choose to be an encourager and as you do, you will find yourself becoming encouraged too!

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The Power of Forgiveness

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In January of 1956, the world was shocked at the news that five American missionaries in the Ecuadorian jungles had been speared to death by Aucan Indians – one of the most savage tribes in the world.

Elisabeth Elliot was the wife of Jim Elliot, one of the missionaries who had been killed. At the time of Jim’s death, she was left with a baby daughter, Valerie, to care for on her own.

Everyone would have understood if Elisabeth and her daughter retreated in fear and pain to the United States, never to return to Ecuador again. But that is not what they chose to do.

When Valerie was only three years old, Elisabeth and Rachel Saint (the sister of another one of the missionaries who had been killed) headed back into Auca territory to finish the mission that their husband and brother had begun.

They worked tirelessly to translate the Bible into the Aucan language, bringing the message of salvation to the tribe who had killed their loved ones.

In her book, “The Savage My Kinsman,” Elisabeth shares, “The fact that Jesus Christ died for all makes me interested in the salvation of all, but the fact that Jim loved and died for the Aucas intensifies my love for them.”

A Gospel of Forgiveness

When we hear stories like this, we are inspired that a regular person, weak and sinful like ourselves, could put aside hurt, fear, pain, anger and reach out in love to one who has wounded them so deeply.

But that is exactly what Christ did for us: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

Even on the Cross, as He suffered at the hands of those who nailed Him there, He prayed for them: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” Luke 23:34.

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Forgiveness is a Choice, Not a Feeling

Many of us have been wounded deeply by others. Perhaps we are waiting to forgive until time has passed – which we hope will somehow make us “ready” to forgive. We may be waiting for our hearts to heal and for our emotions to line up with the decision to forgive. We may simply be waiting until we aren’t so angry.

But we learn from Christ that forgiveness is first an act of the will, not the emotions: “Forgive one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32). We can choose to extend forgiveness to others for this simple reason: Christ forgave us.

Forgiving is Not Condoning Sin

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
― C.S. Lewis

When He calls us to forgive, Christ is not asking us to excuse someone’s sin or condone it. He is not telling us to say what happened to us wasn’t wrong. Our confession can acknowledge the reality of our pain as well as our choice to forgive: “What (this person) did to me was wrong. But I choose to forgive them because Christ has forgiven me.”

When we forgive a person, we release ourselves from the bitterness that poisons our hearts and we entrust that person to Christ, who is the Righteous Judge.

Forgiveness is a Witness to the World

Finally, when we choose to forgive by the grace and love of Christ, we testify to the world that love is stronger than death, forgiveness more powerful than hatred, and that a new story of redemption can be written over a painful past.

Who has injured you, friend? To whom do you still hold a grudge? Have you allowed bitterness to take hold of your heart, thinking that your unforgiveness is justified by the depth of the wrongs you have experienced?

Christ knows your pain and wants to heal you. He calls you higher – to forgive others as He has forgiven you.

Don’t wait until you feel ready. Choose to forgive now and let the healing begin.

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The Blessing of a Prayer Partner

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I have been meeting with the same friend for the last 8 years to pray regularly. We met “BC” (before children) while we both worked for the same organization on Capitol Hill.

Our times of prayer together have looked differently over the years (we used to meet in each other’s offices and now we primarily walk and pray in our neighborhood). The topics covered in our conversations are different, too, as our lives have changed, shifted, and enlarged to include families of our own.

I’d like to share with you some treasures that I have gained from walking with this good and godly friend over almost a decade of time:

1) We keep showing up – even when life gets tough – actually, especially when life gets really tough. I know that when I am wallowing a pit in self pity, I don’t want to stay there. And I know she won’t let me. Which brings me to #2….

2) We speak the truth in love – every Christian needs someone else who they can go to who will be lovingly honest with them when it comes to issues of sin and sanctification. If my attitude is one of negativity and complaining, my friend will lovingly tell me this – and pray with me that I might see change in that area of my life.

3) We listen – I think a lot of our time together is really spent just listening. Sometimes we know what God is asking of us but we are fearful or anxious or just need prayer support to walk it out. And all of that is simply part of being human. We need others in Christ’s Body who can bear our burdens with us and encourage us to see the truth and walk it out, no matter how hard it may be.

4) We pray – though it’s always organic and never exactly planned out, we lift up each other and our concerns to The Lord and ask Him together that we might see Him move in our lives and families. And – He answers. Which brings me to #5…

5) We rejoice in answered prayer – so often, we will pray about something one day and before even a week goes by, see God answering our prayers before our eyes. I believe that God has used these times to encourage us to keep on keeping on and to remind us that He delights in hearing our prayers.

6) We are real with each other – we don’t come to each other pretending or posing to be perfect Christians. We come, often beaten down from battling in the trenches of daily life, humbled and confessing eagerly.

I confess I am nowhere near this real or vulnerable with most people. And I think that’s okay – we shouldn’t spill all our baggage to everyone we know.

But we should have a few people that we can be this real with – friends who love God, are trustworthy, and care more about our souls than our pride – because this is where real spiritual transformation can occur in our lives.

“Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” – James 5:15-16.

Do you have a friend you have prayed with over the years? If so, what have you gained from this relationship? Perhaps now would be a great time to let that person know how much they mean to you. If you have a friend you would like to start praying regularly with, go ahead and reach out – they may be just as eager to pray with you!

Remember that prayer is not only a personal spiritual practice but a corporate one:

“Nothing tends more to cement the hearts of Christians than praying together.  Never do they love one another so well as when they witness the outpouring of each other’s hearts in prayer“. ~ Charles Finney

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