Category Archives: Relationships
What I’ve Learned From My Grandmother About Aging Well
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She sat with her hands folded quietly in her lap, smiling and laughing at the children, interjecting in conversation with her quick wit and often humorous remarks. I took a long look at this beautiful woman who has lived almost triple my lifetime.
This is my 94 year old grandmother, Anna Mary. I have learned many, many things from her, but these are some of the things I have learned from her about aging well:
She Doesn’t Complain
Now, I am sure that there are moments for her. We all have moments. But I have never heard her complain, really. She is a very thankful woman, full of gratitude for her life and the many gifts that God has given to her. She experiences pain regularly now, but I don’t see it keeping her down.
She Rejoices in the Moment
My grandmother is aware of the brevity of life. She knows she isn’t promised tomorrow (none of us are). She flew from GA to Maryland to be here for my children’s birthday party. She soaked in every moment with every person she came in contact with – especially her great-grandchildren.
She Doesn’t Want a Re-do on Life
She is a content woman. She had “the best husband I could have ever asked for” and she has now “the most wonderful daughter and son-in-law” among all her other blessings. While she definitely has gone through many hardships and life hasn’t always dealt her an “easy hand,” she would never go back and ask for a re-do. She is satisfied with her life – a life well-lived.
She Delights in Her Legacy
My grandmother is not a poor woman, but she definitely doesn’t have millions to her name. What she has is a solid, unwavering faith in Jesus Christ, a loving daughter and son-in-law, friends and neighbors, two grandchildren, and – perhaps her biggest legacy of all – her six great-grandchildren. She loves telling me about little moments that she has with each one of them, ways they make her laugh or impress her with their sharp wit (I mean, who did they get it from, right?) She relishes in every kiss and every card they make her.
She Has Never Lost Her Sass
My grandma is one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. She is the only one who, in a room full of 10 adults who are all thinking the same thing, will actually say what is on her mind without holding back. She doesn’t just say anything, though.
She knows when to hold her tongue but she speaks the truth when no one else feels they can or when she has a strong opinion on a matter and because of her age and her confidence, people shut up and listen. And I love her for it.
She is a Prayerful Woman
Grandma prays for each of us every day. She looks to the Lord daily for strength, help, and wisdom. She truly loves God and seeks Him faithfully.
She is Ready for Heaven
A week ago, when she was here at my house, she said to me, “I keep asking the Lord why He doesn’t take me home yet. I don’t know. I haven’t figured it out. I’m ready to go!” I quipped back, “Well, Grandma, I know I’m glad that you’re here with us right now – to be with your great-grandchildren and make memories with them.”
She is not afraid of death and eternity. She knows to whom she belongs and where she is going when she dies. And she’s ready whenever He wants to take her.
Whether you are 16, 37, or 60, we each have been given a gift of life and a choice of how we will invest today – the only day we know we’ve been given. When you are 94, what do you want your legacy to be? What do you want others to see when they look back on your life?
One thing I know is that I’m taking some tips on that from my Grandmother.
He Showed Me The Gospel
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Last week my youth pastor Dane Burk went home to be with Jesus after a courageous battle with brain cancer. I woke early the next morning, my sneakers crunching the fall leaves as I jogged through my neighborhood streets, pondering a life well lived.
Youth pastoring is not an easy job. Dane Burk made it a point to stick with me and the other teenagers in my class from our freshman year until we graduated high school. He wanted to see us through to the end of that season of our lives. And he did a fabulous job.
I wrote several months ago about Dane and some of the ways that his life impacted my own, but some people are just worthy of double honor and double mention. To me and for my life, Dane Burk is one of those rare people.
Two Moments I’ll Never Forget
I wanted to share today about how Dane Burk demonstrated the essence of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to me in two very important “God-moments” in my life. These two moments have shaped and influenced me in ways that I cannot begin to describe in words, but today I will try.
These two moments center around an event which happened when I was 17 years old. Our youth group went on a short term missions trip to Ecuador.
Dane encouraged my spiritual gifts and always pointed out how he saw the gift of leadership in my life. He always urged me to use those gifts to serve and to love others.
I will admit there was considerable religious pride and self-righteousness in my heart as a young adult. I took pride in my “good behavior” and “outward deeds” that I thought proved my spiritual commitment.
Back to our Ecuador trip. The trip started off great but ended horribly due to a handful of the youth sneaking alcohol the last evening of the trip. This little group included me. After trying so hard to be “good,” I, the “righteous saint who wouldn’t touch that stuff” had become recklessly drunk. On a missions trip.
I have always steered away from telling this story. Basically to anyone. It’s utterly humiliating in every way. And those of you who were there with me know how devastating it was. In fact, that moment is probably the most humiliating moment of my entire life.
So why, you may ask, would I share this in such a public fashion? Because God used this humiliating moment in my life to draw me closer to Himself than I had ever been before. And Dane Burk was in the center of His work in my life.
First Moment: I sat beside Dane on the plane ride home from Ecuador. He wept for me. Not just a few tears. He wept hard, his whole body shaking, for a long time.
In that moment, I saw how deeply he loved me as a pastor.
He did not abandon me. He did not condemn me. He bore humiliation with me and walked with me through every devastating and painful moment.
Breaking Down My House of Cards
Second Moment: After the pain and shock and humiliation had waned a bit, I hobbled like a bruised and broken lamb into a coffee shop alone to meet with Dane. I will never forget his words to me that day. Ever. They are burned like fire into my soul.
He took out some cards and built a tower with them. He said, “Laura, for a long time you built yourself up by your own works, righteousness, and goodness.”
Then Dane knocked the tower down. He continued, “But in a moment, all that pride in your own goodness came crashing down. God allowed you to see the depth of your sinful nature so that you might know the depth of your need for Him.”
He took out the cards again and said, “God wants to give you a clean start with a new foundation. He wants Jesus alone – His sinless life, the perfect sacrifice of Himself on the Cross, His resurrection from the dead – to be your foundation now.”
“He wants to rebuild you with His goodness, His mercy, His grace, His love, His power, His truth.”
In this moment, I saw the Gospel more clearly than I ever had before, even though I had been a Christian for years.
Why? I had been brought very, very low by my sin and recognized my deep need for a Savior. I realized that my own righteousness was like filthy rags to God and that there were no works I could do on my own to earn my way to Heaven.
I accepted that Jesus alone had made a way for me through His death on the Cross.
This was a turning point in my spiritual life that I will always look back on with great joy. Not because of the utterly humiliating experience that resulted from my sin, but because God used this experience to teach me what it means to be truly humbled, to know the wretchedness of my sin and my utter inadequacy to atone for it myself.
Some people who I considered good friends stopped speaking to me after that failure. But Dane did not. And he knew, deep down, what I knew now, too – that I had encountered the truth of the Gospel in a very personal way and I would never be the same.
Today, this precious man is in Heaven above, receiving his reward. And I know that one small thing Jesus will reward him for is the way he responded to a broken, humiliated teenage girl when she really needed mercy, love and the message of the Gospel.
Thank you, Dane. Thank you so much. I will never, ever forget your words of wisdom and heart of love.
Until we meet again….
