Category Archives: Spiritua Disciplines

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The Power of Self-Control

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“‘Marshmallow man” Walter Mischel is an Ivy League professor known for his experiments in self-control. Nearly 50 years ago, he created a test to see how various five-year-olds would respond to being left alone with a marshmallow for 15 minutes with instructions not to eat it — and with the promises that if they didn’t, they would be given two. The New York Times reports,

Famously, preschoolers who waited longest for the marshmallow went on to have higher SAT scores than the ones who couldn’t wait. In later years they were thinner, earned more advanced degrees, used less cocaine, and coped better with stress. As these first marshmallow kids now enter their 50s, Mr. Mischel and colleagues are investigating whether the good delayers are richer, too.

Now Mischel is an octogenarian and freshly wants to make sure that the nervous parents of self-indulgent children don’t miss his key finding: “Whether you eat the marshmallow at age 5 isn’t your destiny. Self-control can be taught.“‘(John Piper, Self-Control and The Power of Christ, 2014).

Self Control in a Culture of Self-Gratification

Whether you would eat the marshmallow or not, one thing is for sure – we live in a culture that not only tells you you should eat the marshmallow, but that you deserve it.

What this “if it feels good, do it” mantra boils down to is nothing less than a hedonistic and self-centered worldview, which, when following its prescription, only leads to dissatisfaction and misery.

But what exactly is self-control and how do we walk in it? In his fabulous article on self-control, Edward Welch says, “The basic idea is that we must cultivate the skill of living a thoughtful, careful life in which we do what is right despite our desires.”

Welch goes on to give 4 ways that self-control fleshes out in our everyday lives:

1) Self Control Means Living Within Boundaries:
“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self- control.” (Prov. 25:28). This may mean avoiding certain places that we previously frequented and/or confessing our sins or temptations to trusted friends or family in order to bring those areas into the light and provide the protection of accountability and prayer support.

These boundaries will look different for each of us, but what matters most is what we allow into our hearts: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well- spring of life” (Prov. 4:23).

2) Self-Control Means Thinking Before Acting
I know I’m not the only person who has ever said something I seriously regretted later. Welch says one definition of self-control is simply this: “THINK!”

Proverbs often describes the wise as those who think, ponder, and prayerfully consider their words and actions before taking a step or speaking a word.

3) Self-Control is NOT Emotional Flatness or Indifference: In this point, Welch basically argues that we will only overcome our strong fleshly passions with an even greater passion for God and His ways.

Are we passionate to glorify Christ or ourselves? To love what He loves and hate what he hates?

4) Self-Control is NOT Self-Dependence: Self-Control is not merely working up the willpower in ourselves to do or not do something. For then, we would get the glory.

Self-Control is a fruit of God’s Holy Spirit rather than a work of our flesh. Romans 8:13 says, “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.”

So then, our growth in self-control will come not from following a bunch of rules or laws, but by walking in an on-going relationship with God’s Spirit.

What are some ways that God may be calling you to grow in self-control? Perhaps take time this week to pray about this and remember: leave the marshmallow alone! What you get back from God will be much sweeter 🙂

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So Others May Eat: A Rice and Beans Challenge

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In the beginning of January, our pastor invited our church to participate in a season of Asking with Fasting as a congregation. The church gave out a prayer calendar to each person which designated a different prayer focus for each day. As for fasting, he asked us to pray about how God might be calling us to participate personally.

When this invitation was made, my husband and I got very excited. We have fasted in the past and seen God move in powerful ways through those consecrated times and seasons.

A Fast for Others

Isaiah 58 outlines what God wants from us when we fast. As I read it, one section really stuck out to me in a new way:

“Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily....” – Isaiah 58:6-8

As my husband and I prayed about what God wanted us to do in response to our pastor’s challenge, we both felt prompted to fast in different ways individually. But I wanted our family to do something together – something that even my children could participate in.

As I prayed, I felt prompted by the verse in Isaiah 58 that speaks of fasting in order to share your bread with the hungry. I decided that during a certain period of time, we would set aside a number of meals each week where we would just eat rice and beans. Then we would give what we saved in our grocery budget to feed the homeless in our area.

Why Rice and Beans?

Most of the world lives on an existence diet – just enough to get them through the day. In many of these countries, this diet consists of rice and beans (often only served once per day).

I want my kids to learn that this is the diet of much of the world. And that even as children, they can personally sacrifice in a small way so that others might eat.

But I wanted more for them – I wanted them not to just see Mom write a check to a homeless shelter, but to have the chance to connect intimately in giving to others what we all save together.

After praying and calling a few places, I found a shelter 10 minutes from our house that is for women and children only. They would love for our whole family to come, prepare a meal in their kitchen (with ingredients we would purchase from what we saved eating rice and beans) and then serve and eat with the women and children.

My children are so excited to join in this endeavor, knowing that they will be able to be a part of serving when it is over.

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Won’t You Join Us?

When we shared in our church small group how each of us has chosen to participate, a friend of mine sent me to this website of a church that did something very similar. Many people in this church ate rice and beans for a week and gave what they saved to those in need. It even lists some wonderful recipes to get you started!

If you would like to participate in a meaningful fast as an individual or as a family, consider joining us in this rice and beans challenge!

Small sacrifices from each of us can go a long way to ensuring that others may eat. I’d love to hear from you if you choose to join in!

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What the Pilgrims Were Thankful For

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They risked their lives, many of them dying in the process, for something I often take for granted – freedom to worship.

Yes, more than men with funny hats and women in bonnets, these were radically courageous people joined together by one passionate, all-encompassing pursuit: freedom to worship their God in the way that believed was best.

The Faith of the Pilgrims

While the Church of England in the early 1600s said that no one could worship God unless it was in their prescribed way, some Christians in England responded by seeking to purify the Church from within – these were called Puritans. Others believed they could not stay with the COE and decide to separate themselves altogether from them. These were called Separatists. The Pilgrims were some of these Separatists.

As noted on Plimoth Plantation’s web page, “Faith of the Pilgrims,” upon preparing to leave England for Holland, Governor William Bradford wrote that Reverend John Robinson:

“…spent a good part of the day very profitably and suitable to their present occasion; the rest of the time was spent pouring out prayers to the Lord with great fervency, mixed with abundance of tears. And the time being come that they must depart, they were accompanied with most of their brethren out of the city, unto a town sundry miles off called Delftshaven, where the ship lay ready to receive them. So they left that goodly and pleasant city which had been their resting place near twelve years; but they knew they were pilgrims, and looked not much on those things, but lift up their eyes to the heavens, their dearest country, and quieted their spirits.” (This passage from Bradford’s manuscript Of Plymouth Plantation)
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Those on a Spiritual Journey

Hebrews 13:13-14 says, “Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come.”

These pilgrims were just that – those on a journey. They didn’t allow their feet to sink too deeply into the soil of the earth, but their eyes stayed fixed on Heaven, their eternal home. And they lived for their Lord in spite of the great costs involved.

In fact, the first pilgrim child born on the Mayflower while it was docked at Cape Cod was named Peregrine White. Peregrine means “pilgrim, alien, wandering, coming from abroad.”

Something about their story has drawn me in to research and find out more about them this year. Something about what they endured – the great suffering, fears, trials, losses, and then…triumph and establishment of a new colony – it is just a beautiful story, screaming to be told and re-told again and again.

Because I want to live like that – eyes on things above.

I shuffle breathlessly into my church on Sunday morning, usually a few minutes late due to a child not finding their shoe or sippy cup. I enter and calm my mind to engage the Lord and His people as we worship Him together. And lately, and I hope more often now, I stop to bow my head and thank God for the freedom I have to worship Him in this country – realizing that freedom came with a cost – it began with the cost of 102 courageous yet probably scared men, women and children who sailed across the ocean to settle on the land which I live in today.

Thankful in Plenty or in Want

This Thanksgiving I remember them – those brave souls – and I dream, I wonder, what that first Thanksgiving celebration was like.

Many of them came to the table that first year bearing grave losses – losses of mothers, fathers, siblings, and children. Many of them were sick and tired and famished from the cruel winter they had just endured. But they had endured. And harvest had come.

I can imagine the tears flowing as they broke bread, sang hymns, prayed prayers of gratitude to the Lord.

What do you bring to the table this Thanksgiving, my friend? Perhaps you have suffered great loss this year. But you have endured. You are still alive. Maybe your future doesn’t seem bright – maybe you only have a glimmer of hope left. But you can choose to endure as the pilgrims did in spite of the difficulties you face.

Maybe you are full of joy, gushing out for all to see…your cup runs over. Bring your cup of thanks and pour it out with celebration this year.

Wherever this Thanksgiving finds you, we all have something to be grateful for. Take the time to find it, and you may be surprised at the joy that is unlocked in the process.

And, surrounded by your blessings, perhaps take a moment to pause and thank God for the freedom you have to Worship Him.

This post was originally published on  November 19, 2013.

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