Tag Archives: Spiritual Growth

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before An Important Conversation

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We all know what it’s like at some point in our lives to prepare for an important or difficult conversation. Maybe your palms are sweaty and your heart is pounding. Maybe you’ve rehearsed what you will say again and again to make sure you have “just the right words.” Maybe you’ve even prayed about it.

The Three Sieves

In my all-time favorite devotional book, Edges of His Ways, Amy Carmichael shares about a practice called “The Three Sieves.” These are three questions to sift our words through before speaking to another. They are:

Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?

Is it True? ~ Are the words we speak to others based on truth? Do they point back to God’s Word or a principle contained therein? Is there a standard of truth higher than our own opinion that we are drawing from?

Is it Kind? ~ This is often the hardest filter. It is easy to speak true words without kindness. “I’m just calling it like it is – just being honest,” we may say. But have we taken the time to consider how we may infuse our words and deeds with kindness and love?

Is it Necessary? ~ If we do not speak up, what will the consequences be? And if something must be said, are we the right person to say it? How much must be said to ensure that the needed words are clearly communicated? Often only one thing must be said, but we may continue on in our words just to “prove our point.”

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Letting Love Pave the Way

As Amy Carmichael says, “Love will never let us hurt another unless we must, and then it will hurt us far more. We will not do it easily.” We all need people in our lives who can lovingly confront us or speak truth that may prove difficult for us to hear. The intended purpose of these conversations are to point us to our Savior that we may turn from our ways if needed and grow in godly character.

The Golden Ruler

It would benefit us greatly in all our relationships to remember the Golden Rule and allow it to govern our relationships: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” How would you wish those closest to you to speak to you? How would you hope those you trust the most to speak truth into your life and call you higher in your walk with Christ?

I know what I respond best to: those who have demonstrated their love and commitment to me again and again – those who have loved me unconditionally and without reservation, those who, although they may do it imperfectly, seek to speak kindly and are careful with their words.

3 Sieves for Everyday Life

I can’t help but think that these three sieves aren’t just for the “hard conversations” but for everyday life as well. How much it could benefit us and those we interact with daily (such as our family members, colleagues, neighbors, and friends) if we ran our words through these filters:

Is it True? Is is Kind? Is it Necessary?

How can one or all of these questions help you with a conversation you may have today?

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The Fulfillment of All Our Desires

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I sat on one of the beautiful areas of sprawling, freshly mowed grass on my college campus. Staring at the fountain in front of me with a pen in my hand, I wrote. “Lord, I just want to make a difference in this world for Your kingdom. Please lead me in the direction you have planned for me.”

A college senior with graduation soon approaching, the world was my oyster – full of adventure and intrigue, new places and people to see and to meet. I wasn’t interested in getting a job, buying a home, and settling down just yet. I wanted to explore!

I could hardly contain myself until my exams were finished, my bags were packed, and I was off to see the world! Little did I know that while I would travel some that year, I would also get a very humbling job, get married (which I was excited about!), and live in a pretty little town. And all of it was for my good and for God’s glory.

The Itch for Fulfillment

“Our hearts are restless until they can find rest in you.” – Saint Augustine

We all desire fulfillment and satisfaction in life. We crave meaning, relationship, belonging, and a sense that we have made a difference in the world. And none of this is wrong.

In fact, it is normal and right to desire to use the talents that God has given us to serve others and be a light in the world. The problem comes when we begin to view our life’s fulfillment through a narrow lens that must happen in a certain way. Here are some examples of a few thoughts that demonstrate this:

If I don’t get married and/or have children, I can never be happy.

If I don’t get into _____ school, I will never fulfill my dreams.

If I never leave (in the words of George Bailey) “this crummy little town” and “see the world,” I can’t be content.

If I don’t make ____ amount of money a year, I will never be able to do what I want to do.

If I don’t get ___  job or position, I will never become the person I want to be.

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Fulfillment in Christ

I’m a planner. An organizer. And a Type “A” personality. So I know what it is like to have a plan for my life. But guess what I have realized? God has an even better plan for my life!

True fulfillment comes when we, with trembling hands, place the dearest desires of our lives in the hands of God and say, “Here you go, Lord. These are my greatest desires. Do with them what you will.” We can only do this, however, if we have one desire that trumps all our other desires: Christ – knowing Him, loving Him, obeying Him.

When looking on all the world has to offer: riches, fame, popularity, influence, personal success and even the fulfillment of our dreams, the Psalmist says, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26).

Christ Our Portion

“It is easy to want things from the Lord and yet not want the Lord Himself, as though the gift could ever be preferable to the Giver”

~ Augustine

Christ is all we need. His outstretched arms hold the fulfillment of all of our desires. Receive His love, rest in His forgiveness, work and serve by His grace.

Let Him become your greatest desire and trust Him with all the rest. “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

 

 

 

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How to Let Go of The Past and Live for Today

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I was sixteen years old and had just broken up with a serious boyfriend in high school. I went on a one-woman road trip with a huge box in my trunk that contained only one thing: hundreds of letters from him.

In those days I had quite a dramatic flare, so I drove several hours to clear my mind of him (while shouting out favorite liberating songs in the car ride) and stopped at the Natural Bridge near the state border.

I opened my trunk, pulled out the letters and walked to a place under the bridge where no one was around. I dug a hole and buried the letters there, covering them with enough heavy Georgia clay to ensure they would never be unearthed again.

I did this for one reason: in my teenage brain, the letters represented a part of my life that I was declaring as “FINISHED.” I wanted those memories buried forever so that I wouldn’t read them again and somehow convince myself that “it really wasn’t that bad” because I now knew the truth: he was wrong for me and I didn’t want to look back.

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Forgetting What is Behind

When God calls us forward on our journey with Him to something new, different, and better – it can be scary. We can be tempted to look behind us and think, “it was better back there.”

An example in Scripture is Lots wife. When God sent angels to lead Lot and his family out of Sodom (because He was going to destroy it due to the pervasive evil there) Lots wife picked the wrong moment to be nostalgic. She looked back and became a pillar of salt.

We can learn one thing from Lots wife – don’t look back longingly on something God has forsaken.

If God has forsaken something and told you to move on, take His hand, walk forward, and don’t look back.

Giving God “The Good Old Days”

Sometimes, however, our past memories aren’t that bad. In fact, when we look back we may say, “I was doing great things for God then and my life was wonderful!” 

There are many times when I am faced with screaming children and dirty diapers that I am tempted to look back longingly on seasons of past “glory days”: You know – those days when the sun was shining, you got 8 hours of sleep, and it seemed that all you touched turned to gold? 

The problem with this kind of reflection is that it only serves to cast a discontented shadow on the present (which God has clearly provided) – and this is not okay.

While it is right and helpful to reflect on and treasure good memories of your past, remember: What God has called you to do today is your greatest gift and you must esteem your work highly. 

Release the painful parts of your past to your Heavenly Father – He has redeemed you and made you a “new creation” in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Refuse to live in your past. Your greatest times in life, your greatest adventures and stories have yet to be written. 

Shake off the dust, stand on the starting block, fix your gaze on Christ, and run where He is calling you!

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