We all know what it’s like at some point in our lives to prepare for an important or difficult conversation. Maybe your palms are sweaty and your heart is pounding. Maybe you’ve rehearsed what you will say again and again to make sure you have “just the right words.” Maybe you’ve even prayed about it.

The Three Sieves

In my all-time favorite devotional book, Edges of His Ways, Amy Carmichael shares about a practice called “The Three Sieves.” These are three questions to sift our words through before speaking to another. They are:

Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?

Is it True? ~ Are the words we speak to others based on truth? Do they point back to God’s Word or a principle contained therein? Is there a standard of truth higher than our own opinion that we are drawing from?

Is it Kind? ~ This is often the hardest filter. It is easy to speak true words without kindness. “I’m just calling it like it is – just being honest,” we may say. But have we taken the time to consider how we may infuse our words and deeds with kindness and love?

Is it Necessary? ~ If we do not speak up, what will the consequences be? And if something must be said, are we the right person to say it? How much must be said to ensure that the needed words are clearly communicated? Often only one thing must be said, but we may continue on in our words just to “prove our point.”

Letting Love Pave the Way

As Amy Carmichael says, “Love will never let us hurt another unless we must, and then it will hurt us far more. We will not do it easily.” We all need people in our lives who can lovingly confront us or speak truth that may prove difficult for us to hear. The intended purpose of these conversations are to point us to our Savior that we may turn from our ways if needed and grow in godly character.

The Golden Ruler

It would benefit us greatly in all our relationships to remember the Golden Rule and allow it to govern our relationships: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” How would you wish those closest to you to speak to you? How would you hope those you trust the most to speak truth into your life and call you higher in your walk with Christ?

I know what I respond best to: those who have demonstrated their love and commitment to me again and again – those who have loved me unconditionally and without reservation, those who, although they may do it imperfectly, seek to speak kindly and are careful with their words.

3 Sieves for Everyday Life

I can’t help but think that these three sieves aren’t just for the “hard conversations” but for everyday life as well. How much it could benefit us and those we interact with daily (such as our family members, colleagues, neighbors, and friends) if we ran our words through these filters:

Is it True? Is is Kind? Is it Necessary?

How can one or all of these questions help you with a conversation you may have today?