The story is told in Scripture of a man named Job of whom God said, “There is no one on earth like him” (Job 1:8). Job had been blessed by God in every way possible – he had great wealth and resources, prominence and influence in society, seven sons and three daughters.

Then one day, everything changed for Job. In one day, everything he had was taken from him. And God allowed all this to happen to test him.

In all this, Job did not sin against God, but tore his clothes and worshipped God saying: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21).

Job had many friends who came to try to comfort him and counsel him in his grief. The problem with these friends is that they all thought they had the answers. They all thought they were the one who knew why this had happened to Job. The bottom line is – they talked too much.

Job’s wife didn’t help either. In fact, her lovely encouragement was “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die” (Job 2:9).  Brilliant. Just brilliant.

When someone close to us has endured loss, pain, trial, or sickness, what are we to do? How are we to comfort them?

I definitely don’t have all the answers, but here are a few things I have learned through Job’s story and through walking with some of those who are close to me as they have gone through loss and trials:

1. Come Humbly – you don’t have the answers to the problems and pains of others. Don’t presume to. Only God knows.

2. Come Broken and Ready to Break – Scripture says, “Weep with those who weep.” We all know the difference between someone who pats us on the back with pity and someone whose heart wrenches in pain with our pain. There is a world of difference.

3. Don’t Try to Fix It – Most of us want a 5 step plan to help get our friend to a more desirable place. We wish we could just step in and roll up our sleeves and make problems and troubles disappear through hard work.

While we may very well be able to help another through acts of service or other helpful tips or strategies, it’s important to remember that often people want a listening ear more than they want you to try to fix their problems with a flip of your wrist.

4. Choose Your Words Carefully – It’s not the quantity of your words but the thoughtfulness of them that others will remember. A word of wisdom or encouragement may serve someone tremendously; a lecture or a monologue (see Job’s friends above) usually will not.

5. Minister with Your Presence – There are times and circumstances when you will have no words. And you shouldn’t. Your warm body, loyally sitting beside a friend will do more than 1,000 empty words.

Do you have a friend who is going through a great loss or trial right now? If you aren’t sure what they need, ask them. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. They need to see that you care – not that you have all the answers.

A phone call to let them know you are praying for them or a warm hug or meal may be the very thing they need today to encourage their soul and give them strength to carry on.