When Life is Overwhelming

Forgive my long silence (again)! For the last 8 weeks, I have been totally preoccupied. With my three children. When I have not been preoccupied with them, I have pretty much been sleeping or attempting to sleep so that when I am again preoccupied with them, I will have some semblance of energy to keep up with them. I’ve been downing sublingual vitamin B complex as my mother has sworn this gave her energy when my brother and I were little.

After Abigail was born, for a couple of weeks I thought “hey – this isn’t so bad. Three kids? Not so bad!” but…that was when I had help all day long from either my mom, mother in law, or husband. Right around the time that my help had to leave, I also got a breast infection. Not good. For the following three weeks I battled to overcome this infection, which was stubbornly persistent. During this time, I felt completely overwhelmed. My midwives kept telling me that what I needed was to get plenty of rest.

“How can I get plenty of rest when I have a newborn and two little children to take care of??,” I thought. This was especially unlikely when all my wonderful helpers had to leave. At one point during this blur of a time, I really felt like giving up. I wrote in my journal something like this: “I can’t seem to get my head above water long enough to see the shore that I’m swimming towards.” If I could just get well, I knew I could take care of my kiddos. I cried a lot, I will not lie. It was therapeutic somehow. I got lots of hugs from Joel and the girls, and this helped. And, being the birthing teacher that I am, I researched everything possible about plugged milk ducts and breast infections, thinking that if I found something that helped me, I would be able to share that information with my students in the future. But I couldn’t help thinking, “Why God? Why is this happening now? Don’t you know that my husband and kids need me? Don’t you know how much I need to be well right now??!”

this picture from our photo shoot pretty much sums up how we all felt:

I admit that self-pity had taken hold in my heart and an awareness of God’s grace and manifold blessings (which were all around me) grew gray and abstract, like a shadow. Instead, all I could see was my problem and that it wasn’t being solved. Ever feel that way? That a problem, sickness, difficulty, or issue consumes you and that is all you can think about? By God’s merciful grace, our pastor is preaching a sermon series on the Psalms. One Psalm that helped me during this time was Psalm 61:2: “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” I knew that if I could just get my vision and perspective focused on God and His goodness rather than my problem, I would be able to stand again. We sang a song in church during this time that gave me hope. If you want to blessed, listen to it here. You can bet that while I sang this song, the tears flowed. Especially when I sang, “So teach my song to rise to you when temptation comes my way, And when I cannot stand, I’ll fall on you, Jesus you’re my hope and stay.”

I’m a fighter. I think our whole family is, honestly. But sometimes, you are just bloody from the battle and worn out from the race and you simply can’t stand anymore. That’s okay. For times like that, fall on Jesus.

I’m through the thick of it now. My infection has passed. Abigail is sleeping at night. the girls are well and cared for. Here’s a pic that shows how we feel right now:

Life can still be overwhelming, as it can be for any of us. But I grew stronger for allowing myself to be carried rather than to fight in my own strength during that time. And when my heart starts to feel overwhelmed again, I remind myself to fall on Jesus.

Is life overwhelming for you today, friend? I encourage you to throw yourself on Jesus. Fall on Jesus. In our world of change and shaking, His love is the immovable rock on which we can stand. But nothing else, not even our best efforts, can support us. Only His love. Only His grace. Only Jesus.