Category Archives: Spiritual Growth

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When You Feel Like God is Distant

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Running away from home. Image from goodbuddies inc.

I think at some point in their upbringing, many children consider, threaten, or execute running away from home. Usually, the cause for this has to do with a fight they had with one or both of their parents or the parent has disciplined the child or infringed on his or her freedoms or rights (or so they see it). The causes really could be endless.

When this happens at a young age, like four or five, it is almost humorous or cute. If you grew up when I did, you may remember the Nestle Toll House commercial of the little boy who packed his bag and was getting ready to “leave” his house. Then, of course, he smells homemade chocolate chip cookies being baked in the kitchen and, of course, drops his bag and heads for Mom 🙂

For me, it hit when I was a teenager and, well, it wasn’t as cute as the Toll House kid. There was a bit more of a harsh reality involved. I think I “ran away” multiple times but never got very far. This was usually preceded by one of the notorious “slammed doors” and some sort of pithy ultimatum directed towards my parents. I don’t remember them ever following me outside, pleading for my return. They probably knew that I just needed time to cool off and would return when I did. Once I stayed at a friend’s house for the day and another time I just drove for a few hours until I found myself turning around to come back. Either way, no matter how bad our argument had been or how frustrated I was, there was always that moment when I came to my senses and headed home, most of the time ready to apologize.

There’s a story in Scripture that talks about a boy – a young man – likely a teenager – who ran away. He not only left, but took all of his share of his father’s inheritance with him (which was just like telling his father “I wish you were dead!”) He lived it up for awhile (I think in a modern version, credit cards would have been involved) until one day, eventually his luck and his money ran out.

He found himself at the end of his rope, at the bottom of a pit, which he had dug himself. He got a job feeding carob pods to pigs and heard his own stomach growl…how he longed for what those pigs were eating!

Then he woke up.

Hunger, it seems, whether physical or spiritual, has a way of bringing a person to their senses.

He sat up. “What am I doing?! My father’s servants have food to spare!” So he headed for home, mentally drafting his speech of humble repentance along the way. He wouldn’t ask to be a son again – no, he wasn’t worthy of that honor. He would simply ask to be a servant in his father’s house. Then he would at least survive.

And now, the kicker. The words I can’t seem to get out of my mind lately. The words that make all the difference:

 “…But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.” – Luke 15:20

Then the son made his confession. As my pastor, Stuart McAlpine has noted, “The kiss always precedes the confession.” After his confession, the father doesn’t answer the son a word. Instead, he gives orders to his servants to get a robe, a ring, and sandals for his son and to slaughter the fattened calf and prepare for a party. He said, “My son was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found.” (verse 24)

Perhaps, like me, you know what it’s like to run away from home. Perhaps you have been in dark places and shook with fear, wondering if you would survive the night.

Perhaps your departure wasn’t physical, but emotional. Maybe you’ve been estranged from a vital relationship. There was an argument, a divide, and now you think, “It’s too late. I can’t come back now.”

Or worst of all, perhaps your departure was of a spiritual nature. Maybe you have known Christ, tasted His goodness, used to rejoice in His embrace, but somewhere at some point, things changed. Maybe something horrible happened like the death of a loved one or close friend, a divorce, or a bankruptcy. Perhaps you have been disillusioned or you feel that God has let you down or left you to fend for yourself. It could have been anything, really. But what matters is this:

If you find yourself miserable, lonely, with a hungry-like ache in your heart, it’s time to wake up. It’s time to come to your senses.

It doesn’t matter what or how much you have squandered. You may have squandered time, money, talents, relationships.

You may have numbed yourself with work, busyness, media, or even ministry to dull the pain in your heart – but it didn’t work because you are still hurting.

I am so happy to share with you that in those moments of my life when I “come to myself” and realize I am in a pit, I don’t have to stay there. Neither do you. There is always a way out.

If you feel that God is distant, if you feel estranged from Him for any reason, you can make a choice today to turn towards the light and away from the darkness. To take the first step on your journey home to your Heavenly Father. To simply and humbly cry out, “Help me!” I believe it really is that simple.

A turning.

A crying out.

A step.

And then He comes – running in full strength, with an embarrassing sort of frenzy about it that shouts of a lovesick heart.

He comes near not to judge but to embrace.

Not to lecture but to celebrate.

Not to collect payment but to wipe out all debts.

He comes with an other-worldly grade of love we can’t even begin to relate to because it is beyond us. But when we experience it, we know that this is the answer to all our desires and it is the remedy for all of our fears and sorrows.

Upon receipt of that love, we are made whole, free, secure, redeemed.

My friend, you may still be a long way off from God today, but He is not far from you. You may think that you must do something right to prove yourself worthy of His love – to make things right. You may want to try to clean yourself up before encountering Him (perhaps He can smell where I’ve been??)

One word: Don’t.

He’ll take you just as you are and will love the mess right out of you. I know. I have been there. Time and time again. He will give you a fresh start and better yet, a new heart.

So, what are you waiting for? Drop your bag. Come in the kitchen. He’s waiting for you.

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Coming out of Hiding

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I stood in my kitchen, washing dishes and watching Abigail play in her exersaucer. I thought to myself, Wow, I have vaccumed and cleaned the kitchen and haven’t heard anything in the last 15 minutes from Grace or Chesed. My Mommy radar went into high gear as I knew they must be getting into some sort of trouble since I let them start playing in the basement. Sure enough, as I walked down the stairs calling their names, I heard muffled voices of surprise and “shh..she’s coming!” type of dialogue going on.

I walked down the stairs to witness a hilarious scene: Grace and Kes were in the back corner of the basement, crouched down and hiding behind the couch, eating strawberry jello with their hands from a huge bowl. It was hard not to laugh when I saw the jello plastered all over Chesed’s face, but I also knew I had to discipline them, which I then did.

After I sent them to time out (in separate areas) to “think about why that wasn’t a good idea,” I asked Grace why she didn’t just come to me first and ask for some jello. She said, “I knew that you would be mad and say no.” I said, “honey, I wouldn’t be mad if you asked me first. I’m only upset because you didn’t ask me and you know you are supposed to ask me first before you get any food from the fridge. I would have actually given you some with your lunch.”

I saw something of myself, of Adam and Eve, of every human being who has ever lived on this earth in the eyes of my children today. Guilt. Shame. Remorse for being “caught in the act” of hidden sin and disobedience. And conviction of my own attitude towards God at times in Grace’s response to me, “I thought you would say no and be mad (so I hid instead).”

Hmmm…reminds me a little of the Parable of the Minas and the servant who hid his treasure in the ground instead of investing it because “I knew you as a hard man…and I was afraid…so I hid (what you gave me)” (Matthew 25:14-30). That servant didn’t know his master very well, did he? He had a wrong idea of who he was and how he would respond to him, so instead of obeying him and investing his treasure, he hid it out of fear and was punished as a result. But he would have been rewarded like the other two servants had he simply known His master and obeyed him.

Psalm 81 tells a similar story. God seeking Israel’s best, calling them to hear His voice and walk in His ways, but they refused. They rebelled. They did what they wanted to their own detriment.  Why? They didn’t trust in God or in His goodness towards them, even though He had demonstrated it time and time again. The Psalmist  says, “He would have fed them also with the finest of wheat; and with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you” (verse 16).

Are you hiding anything from your Heavenly Father, friend? Do you fear coming to Him because you know Him to be “a hard man”? Do you think that He will turn you away? Reject you or fail to give you something you want or deeply desire? Or are you ashamed because of a hidden sin?

The Bible has good news for all of us!

As for our sins:

“If we confess our sins, He will be faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13

As for our desires and wishes:

“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” – Romans 8:32

Perhaps the next time Grace is tempted to take some treat without asking, she will remember that I told her it could likely be hers (without shame, time outs, or remorse) if she would just ask me first and allow me to give it to her when I felt was best.

Perhaps the next time I am tempted to do things my way to get what I want instead of first asking God if it is good for me, I will think about this as well. If it is good for me and glorifying to Him, He will hold nothing back. He’s a gracious Daddy. He wants to give me what is best. If it will be harmful to me, He will withhold it for good reason.

I was reminded today of the joy that is ours when we come out of hiding and come clean with our Maker. When we acknowledge our sins to Him, He gives us what we least deserve – mercy and forgiveness and a clear path to restoration. He is a loving Father who can handle the honest confessions we bring to Him – and it is only then that we can be healed and He can deliver us from our “golden idols” and lead us to our Promised Land.

Mercy is waiting for us if we just take one step of faith and come out of hiding.

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Why You Should Take a Personal (or Family) Retreat

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Forgive me for my leave of absence from this blog the past few weeks. Reasons are in chronological order as follows: One of my daughters got sick, the next daughter got what the first daughter had and we left for a 10 day vacation to North Carolina. On the vacation I had no access to internet nor did I want it (something I will be blogging about today). Then, when we got home, I read this great little eBook by Jeff Goins and immediately responded by starting a new book. So far, by God’s grace, I have been faithfully rising around 6:30 each morning to put in an hour worth of work on the book. In the process, I have completely neglected my little blog here!

So this morning, instead of working on my book, I decided that I must write a blog post. I mean, I know that all of you have been biting your fingernails in anticipation of my next post and all 😉 But I do have many thoughts and ideas swirling in my head at all times (I am not exaggerating, ask my husband – it wears him out sometimes), and this blog is a great venue for me to share some of those and flesh them out on paper.

As I mentioned, our family took a vacation the first week of August to a cabin that my grandparents built more than 50 years ago. It is nestled in the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina in a tiny town called Cashiers which now boasts two (yes two!) touristy coffee shops that I have grown to love. It seems that more folks have discovered this hidden gem of a place in the last decade or so.

Our family goes to this cabin for many reasons – to relax, to unwind, to unplug from technology, to escape from the demands of the city and our lives at home (which never seem to just “stop”), to explore and recreate in nature, to engage in ample  quality time together, and to reflect on our last year and pray about our priorities for the year ahead. At this point, this last part is done exclusively by Joel and me, but we very much intend to make the children a part of this yearly ritual once they are old enough to do so. Every year since we got married, Joel and I take the week of our birthdays and anniversary (yes, they are all within an 8 day span) to spend time thanking the Lord for the specific ways He has worked in and through our lives the previous year and to pray through our commitments, responsibilities, dreams, and vision for the year ahead.

Needless to say, this is a week I look forward to with great anticipation every year. I am someone who really loves my 8 hours of sleep a night, but the morning we leave for the Cabin each year, I seem to pop out of bed around 4:30 or 5am, ready to make our 10 hour cross country drive to my favorite place on the planet.

So you might say that our annual vacation is also a personal and family retreat. We each spend quite a bit of our time reading, reflecting, journaling, and sitting on the front porch watching the finches and hummingbirds, who neither sow nor reap and the flowers that neither toil or spin.  We think and discuss what is important and unimportant for this season and in view of eternity. Before we had kids, we would spend time in prayer before the Lord as to whether this was the year to begin trying to have a child.

I will personally begin this fall season with an almost 4 year old, an almost 2 year old, and an almost newborn 🙂 (Yes, they are all three girls, yes, they are all exactly two years apart, yes, their birthdays are all in October (if the newborn cooperates!)). What this means for me is: I will have much on my plate. In addition, I have made the decision to homeschool Grace this year. Being that she is only going to be four this year, I am only planning to spend 30 minutes or an hour each day with her maximum in teaching. My goal for the year (which I worked out on our trip) is simply one thing – to teach her how to read. If this can be accomplished this year, I will be a happy momma, because I know how the world can open up to a child once they can read for themselves.

There have been other commitments on my plate this past year that I have decided to back away from for at least a year so that I can work through the shift from 2-3 kids and discern as I go where I am needed the most. Being someone who is always active and involved  in church and community, I plan to stay involved but on a scaled-back level. This is a year where I have prepared my heart and my calendar for family to be the recipients of the large majority of my time and energy. And I am at peace with that!

I have found that preparing for the year ahead (before it hits you over the head like a ton of bricks) with some time away for a personal or family retreat really helps in the following ways:

1) It alleviates stress – once you have prayed about and discerned together with your spouse and sometimes children if they are older what your top priorities and commitments will be, you can be at peace about the things you have said ‘no’ to and why you chose to say no. You don’t have to worry that you should be involved in something you aren’t. You know you have chosen to focus on what the Lord has revealed is most vital for you in this season of your life.

2) It cultivates creativity – when you have the ‘vision’ plain before you for the year, you can begin to focus in on what you are called to and explore how you can creatively manage those responsibilities and opportunities.

3) It fills you with hope and momentum for the year ahead – when you have a vision, you are filled with inspiration to fulfill it. That is why in Scripture it says that where there is no vision, the people perish – or as the Message Version of the Bible says “If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; but when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.”(Proverbs 29:18)

4) It keeps you focused and on track – we all have goals in life and only one life to fulfill them. We also have been given the time necessary to do all that God is calling us to do. This is truth!! Even though we may think we never have enough time, perhaps the main reason is because we are pulled in a hundred different directions instead of focusing on and sowing into the area(s) that we are actually called to work and serve.

5) It simplifies and makes practical the pursuit – prayerful planning aligns us with the heart of God for our own life in this season and cuts out complications that come in when we are pouring our energy into areas we shouldn’t. It also helps us when we practically write or think through how we are going to accomplish the goals in front of us.

So – what is stopping you? I would challenge you to take at least one 24-hour period by yourself or with your spouse (and kids, if they are old enough) for a retreat to prayerfully lift up to God this next year or season of your life. Lay everything you are doing and wish to do (or have been asked to do) before Him. Discuss these responsibilities with your spouse as well. Once you have reached some conclusions, talk and pray though how you can make the most of your time to accomplish the goals that are before you. You (and your family) will be glad that you did!!

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