3 Tips for Making Healthy Boundaries

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One of my favorite authors, Richard Swenson, discusses the concept of “dysfunctional math, ” when he uses mathematics to demonstrate that humanity simply can’t keep up with the speed of progress.

Here are just a few of his examples:

  • The average American is exposed to 10 hours of media per day and watches 34 hours of television per week.
  • Go to college and you can choose from over 500 baccalaureate degrees.
  • There are 55,000 configurations of coffee at Starbucks.
  • In the next century, we will have a million times more technology than we do now.
  • Knowledge workers check e-mail 50 times a day, instant messaging 77 times a day, and visit 40 websites per day.
  • The average desk worker starts something new every 3 minutes.
  • One third of us live with extreme stress and 48% believe it has increased over the past 5 years (2008).
  • There was more change in the last century than in all of recorded history prior to 1900.
  • There will be a thousand times more change in this century than the last.
  • Apple offers 800,000 apps in its Apps Store, and 50 billion apps have been downloaded.
  • There are 90,000 governmental bodies in the U.S.
  • In 1800 there was just 1 city with a million people; now there are 381.
  • The percentages of households in the U.S. that are married couple households: 1950–79%; 1960–74%; 1970–70%; 1980–61%; 1990–56%; 2000–52%; 2010–49.7%.

Cutting the Fat

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The facts of the world we live in are listed above. While some people (perhaps the Amish and other likeminded orders) have fallen outside of this paradigm of dysfunction, the majority of us are being rushed along a rolling river and are in desperate need of a safety raft!

In an increasingly complex world that produces information at the speed of light, where should we stand? How should we as Christ-followers adapt to this overload? How can we set healthy and sustainable boundaries in our personal lives and our families that will ensure God-centered living and priorities?

These are all questions that I have pondered regularly the last several years. Our own family has increased from 2-6 people over the last seven years. We have had to adapt and find a “new normal” with each new addition. We have had to work together to find and keep healthy boundaries a priority.

3 Tips to Setting Healthy Boundaries

1) Prayerfully determine a personal and/or family mission statement. This doesn’t have to be a complex thing, but it will help you clearly focus and define your priorities in one sentence. Some great examples are here and here.

2) Evaluate Your Current Commitments – Write out everything you do. Everything. Make a list. Look at it for awhile. Pray about it. Put it aside. Look at it again. Ask yourself some questions such as:

~ Do these activities clearly reflect my mission?
~ Do these reflect my priorities, or what I would like my priorities to be?
~ Is there simply too much on this list? Not enough margin for rest, play, or Sabbath time?
~ Is there enough time for investing in important relationships with others?
~ Is spiritual growth reflected as a vital priority based on how I have chosen to invest my time?

These are some questions just to get your mind rolling. I am sure you can think of many more!

3) Make Necessary Changes and Implement! – Make a decision to cut the fat. Be okay with saying “No,” to social events, service requests, or other activities if you know that saying “Yes” will keep you from what you consider a vital priority.

If you tend to procrastinate necessary duties such as meal planning, grocery shopping, lawn maintenance that end up stressing you out later, put it on your calendar such as “Every Saturday morning I will take 30 minutes to meal plan for the week,” or something similar.

Take charge of your life and sow in the field that God has appointed to you. As the Scripture says, “Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else” (Galatians 6:4).

 

 

The Marks of an Overcomer

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There are few Bible stories that command the attention of children like that of David and Goliath. Their size difference alone makes this a memorable face-off.

We all can get behind David and root for him when we read of his courage. Think of it: There was an entire army of strong men who were older and more experienced in battle than David. Any of them could have chosen to be courageous and face this taunting giant. But they did not. They chose to stand fearful and silent, allowing Goliath to blaspheme Israel and their God for forty days straight (talk about wasted time!).

Enter David, who was simply running an errand and stumbles onto the scene. I can just picture it: “Hey guys! Here are your sandwiches mom made. Why do you all look so scared?” When they told him, his response is just awesome: “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?” (1 Samuel 17:26).

Though David immediately volunteered to fight, Saul discouraged him when he saw how young he was: Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth” (verse 33).

The Marks of an Overcomer

Here are some qualities of this young overcomer:

1) He recalled God’s faithfulness to him in past battles – no, he had not fought or killed any men before. But God had empowered him to kill both a lion and bear that had come against his father’s sheep. He had shown courage and seen victory then, and he would see victory now.

2) He knew his success came from the Lord – He didn’t try to impress Saul with his own strength. Instead, he simply pointed to God’s strength: “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine” (verse 37).

3) He used the weapons God had given him and didn’t try to be someone he wasn’t – Saul tried to put his own armor on David. David shook it off and got some stones and a sling – weapons he was confident in using.

4) He didn’t care what people thought about him– about his size, his choice of weapons, or his choice to fight. Let them stand around, tremble in fear, and grumble about all the reasons they couldn’t possibly win this fight. He didn’t care; He was going to DO something.

5) He put his confidence in God and trusted in God to win the battle – His words declared where he put his faith: “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands… All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.

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By Our God, We Will Overcome

What giant stands mocking you daily about your inadequacies to take ground that God himself has determined to give to you? What has you standing in fear or dread, unable to move forward as a result? Where are you stalling spiritually because of the bullying of an enemy – internally or externally?

Unfortunately, like the army of Israel, we often accept defeat before the battle has begun. Often, the greatest battle is in our own minds. Do any of these thoughts sound familiar:

It’s just how I am. I’ve always been this way. What’s the use in trying to change?

I could never break this habit. It’s just to hard.

I’ll never succeed at _______. I’m too (old/young/inexperienced/fill in the blank).”

Me and my girls are memorizing Romans 8. The whole chapter is a brilliant message of triumphant truth, but one verse in particular is worthy of our mediation today:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)

The God of the Universe is for you. He is on your side. This truth David knew well.

Go forth in confidence today that He will enable you day by day to overcome your fears and slay your giants. The battle is not yours alone – it is the Lord’s.

 

God’s Prescription for Anxiety

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I sat in my room during the one hour of my day that I can normally find peace and quiet and simultaneously heard the noise of a power sander in my kitchen and my baby in the room next door erupting in cries from his afternoon nap as a result of the noise.

The blessing was that within a few days I would have a beautifully painted kitchen. The downside was how that process was impacting me in the moment. I had a choice to make. I could allow the stress of the moment to steal my joy or I could comfort my baby and remind myself of the truth: that this was a temporary inconvenience and soon my kitchen would be a lovely and cheery yellow color.

A Biblical Remedy for Stress

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1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 reads, “Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

Sometimes we make out God’s will to be elusive and mysterious – something that we must search for with the tenacity and sense of a bloodhound in order to find it. On the contrary, often God’s will is as simple as leaning our full weight into the present moment – focused with appreciation on the gifts before us rather than the frustrations that cause our cortisol levels to surge.

When you are walking through stressful circumstances, what do you need most? Peace of mind. The question is – how do we get peace of mind when we are stressed out?

God’s Word gives us the prescription in Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Take Your Worries to Christ

Some questions and thoughts to ponder when you find yourself stressed out:

1) Am I praying about this or just steaming internally or venting my irritation on others?

2) Have I stopped to consider the good that could come out of this (or the good that is currently before me)?

3) Am I thankful for God’s many blessings or am I choosing to have selective focus on those things that are troubling me?

The secret to unshakable peace and lasting joy in the midst of stressful circumstances is clear: fix your eyes on Jesus and not on your problems. As a pastor of mine once said, “You can choose to get bitter or get better.”

What situation are you facing today that threatens to steal your joy? Where has your life lacked thanksgiving or a positive outlook? Take a few minutes today to stop. Pause. Thank God for the good. Petition Him about what concerns you. Rejoice in His friendship and entreat Him for His perspective of your situation.

Your circumstances may not change. But your heart can. And that is what makes all the difference.

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