The story is told in Scripture of a man named Job of whom God said, “There is no one on earth like him” (Job 1:8). Job had been blessed by God in every way possible – he had great wealth and resources, prominence and influence in society, seven sons and three daughters.

Then one day, everything changed for Job. In one day, everything he had was taken from him. And God allowed all this to happen to test him.

In all this, Job did not sin against God, but tore his clothes and worshipped God saying: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21).

Job had many friends who came to try to comfort him and counsel him in his grief. The problem with these friends is that they all thought they had the answers. They all thought they were the one who knew why this had happened to Job. The bottom line is – they talked too much.

Job’s wife didn’t help either. In fact, her lovely encouragement was “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die” (Job 2:9).  Brilliant. Just brilliant.

When someone close to us has endured loss, pain, trial, or sickness, what are we to do? How are we to comfort them?

I definitely don’t have all the answers, but here are a few things I have learned through Job’s story and through walking with some of those who are close to me as they have gone through loss and trials:

1. Come Humbly – you don’t have the answers to the problems and pains of others. Don’t presume to. Only God knows.

2. Come Broken and Ready to Break – Scripture says, “Weep with those who weep.” We all know the difference between someone who pats us on the back with pity and someone whose heart wrenches in pain with our pain. There is a world of difference.

3. Don’t Try to Fix It – Most of us want a 5 step plan to help get our friend to a more desirable place. We wish we could just step in and roll up our sleeves and make problems and troubles disappear through hard work.

While we may very well be able to help another through acts of service or other helpful tips or strategies, it’s important to remember that often people want a listening ear more than they want you to try to fix their problems with a flip of your wrist.

4. Choose Your Words Carefully – It’s not the quantity of your words but the thoughtfulness of them that others will remember. A word of wisdom or encouragement may serve someone tremendously; a lecture or a monologue (see Job’s friends above) usually will not.

5. Minister with Your Presence – There are times and circumstances when you will have no words. And you shouldn’t. Your warm body, loyally sitting beside a friend will do more than 1,000 empty words.

Do you have a friend who is going through a great loss or trial right now? If you aren’t sure what they need, ask them. You may not know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. They need to see that you care – not that you have all the answers.

A phone call to let them know you are praying for them or a warm hug or meal may be the very thing they need today to encourage their soul and give them strength to carry on.

The story is told of two men who shared the same hospital room. One of them faced the only window in the room and would describe in great detail the things that he saw to the man in the bed beside him, who was unable to sit up and gain a view of life outside the hospital.

The man with the view told the other of beautiful things going on outside:

Amazing views of a park with a beautiful lake could be seen from the window of their room. Children delightfully played among ducks and swans. Couples walked arm in arm among colorful flowers. Also the stunning city skyline could be seen.

When the man by the window had been thoroughly describing all that was happenning outside the window, his roommate would close his eyes and imagine all the beautiful scenes of life that were told to him.

One morning the man whose bed was near the window died peacefully in his sleep. His roommate was very sad.

After some time had passed, he asked the nurse to move his bed beside the window. With great effort, he lifted himself up to look out the window and was stunned. There was nothing but a brick wall outside.

Flustered, he asked the nurse, “I don’t understand. Why would he lie to me?” The nurse answered, “Didn’t you know? He was blind and couldn’t see the wall. Maybe he described such wonderful things because they were visions in his mind and he wanted to encourage you?”

The man laid back on his bed and let out a sigh as he softly said, “Yes, that he did.” Then he whispered to himself, “Thank you for sharing your wonderful world, my friend.”

We All Need Encouragement

Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”

Sin, pain, and the wear and tear of life make us susceptible to becoming discouraged and hardened. So, how can we encourage those around us?

Here are just a few practical ideas:

1. When you ask, “How are you doing?,” Be Ready to Really Listen. Our culture teaches us to say “fine” whether we are or not. We aren’t meant to probe every person we greet for a deeper answer,  but we can ask God’s Spirit to make us open and aware of those who need encouragement around us.

2. Look Up and Smile – it’s so simple. A smile usually reciprocates a smile and smiling is proven to lift people’s spirits (even strangers passing by us). This simple kind gesture can have a bigger impact than we realize.

3. Speak to the Heart – Fit the encouragement to meet that person in their specific situation. If a friend is discouraged about being unemployed, telling them they look pretty in that outfit probably isn’t gonna do much for them.

4. Pray for People – Where you know people need encouragement, pray for them to be strengthened and ask God to show you practical ways to encourage them. Often, when my family and I have prayed for people who are discouraged, The Lord will lead us to write them letters or invite them over for dinner.

5. Speak God’s Word – Our words are limited in their power to encourage but God’s promises are not. Sharing a passage of Scripture that is relevant to someone’s situation or need can give them a rock to stand on that will not fail.

5. Be Constant – lots of people come in and out of our lives. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be a constant and loyal companion to a few. There are a handful of people who I call when I am deeply discouraged and I know that no matter what happens or how I feel in that moment, they are going to stand with me and hold up my arms when I feel deflated.

Who do you know today who could use encouragement? Probably anyone around you! Make a point today to choose to be an encourager and as you do, you will find yourself becoming encouraged too!