Twelve years ago, I stood at the altar of the church I grew up in, facing my husband-to-be. Eyes wide, cheeks flushed, tears streaming at times, we clasped hands and hearts before God and man and uttered our marriage vows, at times with a tremble in our voices.
In the fear of God, we knew that they were promises we were making to one another for a lifetime. When we said these vows, we didn’t know what circumstances might come into our lives to test them – to test us.
For Richer or Poorer
We didn’t know when we vowed “for richer or poorer” that the first several years of our marriage would be spent on the “poorer” end of the spectrum – we often found ourselves having to trust God for where our next rent check would come from. But we made it through, happily consuming rice and beans several times a week. We survived on purpose and passion.
And then there have been days when we’ve dined on steak and fish at a nice restaurant and cruised throughout the Mediterranean.
For Better or Worse
We didn’t fully understand when we said “for better or worse” just how “worse” things could get or the sin we would see in ourselves and each other over the course of years. We didn’t know we could wound each others hearts (consciously or unconsciously) so deeply, but we also didn’t know what a significant role we would have (and continue to have) in healing those wounds.
To Have and to Hold
I know I didn’t understand that when I said “to have and to hold,” just how vulnerable I would have to become and how many walls I would need to let down if I was going to let this man love every part of me.
We are 12 1/2 years and 3 kids into this marriage and through the ups and downs, the highs and lows, through days of great joy and days when we didn’t know how we’d make it to tomorrow – by the grace of God – we continue on.
In Sickness and in Health
I have many friends who have had their vow “in sickness and in health” tested –
with a crippling illness or a drawn out, painful death.
with the sickness or death of a child.
with infertility or traumatic injury or mental health issues.
And I deeply admire those who stand beside their spouse in the midst of such trials.
Because it is only when our vows are tested that they can be proven genuine.
A Love That Endures is a Love That Forgives
It is then, in the moments when we choose to humble ourselves and ask forgiveness, to release a grudge instead of become bitter, to reach past our own desires to meet our spouse’s needs – it is then that our actions speak loudest to our spouses, “I LOVE YOU!”
The moments of dancing and dinners, vacations and celebrations, times of increase and prosperity are great. We should soak in them, enjoy them, expressing our love in every season.
And when the world comes crashing down on us like a flood, we should cling tightly to God and to each other -for that is how we will weather life’s storms.
If your marriage is going through a significant test right now, embrace the test. Run towards Christ and each other. Be committed to the work that needs to be done in your hearts. If you turn to Him together, He can show you the way through.
As Corrie Ten Boom once said, “There is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.”
For those of you who are choosing each day to lean into Christ and each other, working through issues as they come – I commend you. I applaud you. I celebrate your marital vows.
Not only on the day of champagne and confetti, but in the moments when you feel you couldn’t take one more step.
Because real love stands firm in the greatest times and the hardest times.
Real love doesn’t quit.
