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When You Feel Like God is Distant

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Running away from home. Image from goodbuddies inc.

I think at some point in their upbringing, many children consider, threaten, or execute running away from home. Usually, the cause for this has to do with a fight they had with one or both of their parents or the parent has disciplined the child or infringed on his or her freedoms or rights (or so they see it). The causes really could be endless.

When this happens at a young age, like four or five, it is almost humorous or cute. If you grew up when I did, you may remember the Nestle Toll House commercial of the little boy who packed his bag and was getting ready to “leave” his house. Then, of course, he smells homemade chocolate chip cookies being baked in the kitchen and, of course, drops his bag and heads for Mom 🙂

For me, it hit when I was a teenager and, well, it wasn’t as cute as the Toll House kid. There was a bit more of a harsh reality involved. I think I “ran away” multiple times but never got very far. This was usually preceded by one of the notorious “slammed doors” and some sort of pithy ultimatum directed towards my parents. I don’t remember them ever following me outside, pleading for my return. They probably knew that I just needed time to cool off and would return when I did. Once I stayed at a friend’s house for the day and another time I just drove for a few hours until I found myself turning around to come back. Either way, no matter how bad our argument had been or how frustrated I was, there was always that moment when I came to my senses and headed home, most of the time ready to apologize.

There’s a story in Scripture that talks about a boy – a young man – likely a teenager – who ran away. He not only left, but took all of his share of his father’s inheritance with him (which was just like telling his father “I wish you were dead!”) He lived it up for awhile (I think in a modern version, credit cards would have been involved) until one day, eventually his luck and his money ran out.

He found himself at the end of his rope, at the bottom of a pit, which he had dug himself. He got a job feeding carob pods to pigs and heard his own stomach growl…how he longed for what those pigs were eating!

Then he woke up.

Hunger, it seems, whether physical or spiritual, has a way of bringing a person to their senses.

He sat up. “What am I doing?! My father’s servants have food to spare!” So he headed for home, mentally drafting his speech of humble repentance along the way. He wouldn’t ask to be a son again – no, he wasn’t worthy of that honor. He would simply ask to be a servant in his father’s house. Then he would at least survive.

And now, the kicker. The words I can’t seem to get out of my mind lately. The words that make all the difference:

 “…But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.” – Luke 15:20

Then the son made his confession. As my pastor, Stuart McAlpine has noted, “The kiss always precedes the confession.” After his confession, the father doesn’t answer the son a word. Instead, he gives orders to his servants to get a robe, a ring, and sandals for his son and to slaughter the fattened calf and prepare for a party. He said, “My son was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found.” (verse 24)

Perhaps, like me, you know what it’s like to run away from home. Perhaps you have been in dark places and shook with fear, wondering if you would survive the night.

Perhaps your departure wasn’t physical, but emotional. Maybe you’ve been estranged from a vital relationship. There was an argument, a divide, and now you think, “It’s too late. I can’t come back now.”

Or worst of all, perhaps your departure was of a spiritual nature. Maybe you have known Christ, tasted His goodness, used to rejoice in His embrace, but somewhere at some point, things changed. Maybe something horrible happened like the death of a loved one or close friend, a divorce, or a bankruptcy. Perhaps you have been disillusioned or you feel that God has let you down or left you to fend for yourself. It could have been anything, really. But what matters is this:

If you find yourself miserable, lonely, with a hungry-like ache in your heart, it’s time to wake up. It’s time to come to your senses.

It doesn’t matter what or how much you have squandered. You may have squandered time, money, talents, relationships.

You may have numbed yourself with work, busyness, media, or even ministry to dull the pain in your heart – but it didn’t work because you are still hurting.

I am so happy to share with you that in those moments of my life when I “come to myself” and realize I am in a pit, I don’t have to stay there. Neither do you. There is always a way out.

If you feel that God is distant, if you feel estranged from Him for any reason, you can make a choice today to turn towards the light and away from the darkness. To take the first step on your journey home to your Heavenly Father. To simply and humbly cry out, “Help me!” I believe it really is that simple.

A turning.

A crying out.

A step.

And then He comes – running in full strength, with an embarrassing sort of frenzy about it that shouts of a lovesick heart.

He comes near not to judge but to embrace.

Not to lecture but to celebrate.

Not to collect payment but to wipe out all debts.

He comes with an other-worldly grade of love we can’t even begin to relate to because it is beyond us. But when we experience it, we know that this is the answer to all our desires and it is the remedy for all of our fears and sorrows.

Upon receipt of that love, we are made whole, free, secure, redeemed.

My friend, you may still be a long way off from God today, but He is not far from you. You may think that you must do something right to prove yourself worthy of His love – to make things right. You may want to try to clean yourself up before encountering Him (perhaps He can smell where I’ve been??)

One word: Don’t.

He’ll take you just as you are and will love the mess right out of you. I know. I have been there. Time and time again. He will give you a fresh start and better yet, a new heart.

So, what are you waiting for? Drop your bag. Come in the kitchen. He’s waiting for you.

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Coming out of Hiding

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I stood in my kitchen, washing dishes and watching Abigail play in her exersaucer. I thought to myself, Wow, I have vaccumed and cleaned the kitchen and haven’t heard anything in the last 15 minutes from Grace or Chesed. My Mommy radar went into high gear as I knew they must be getting into some sort of trouble since I let them start playing in the basement. Sure enough, as I walked down the stairs calling their names, I heard muffled voices of surprise and “shh..she’s coming!” type of dialogue going on.

I walked down the stairs to witness a hilarious scene: Grace and Kes were in the back corner of the basement, crouched down and hiding behind the couch, eating strawberry jello with their hands from a huge bowl. It was hard not to laugh when I saw the jello plastered all over Chesed’s face, but I also knew I had to discipline them, which I then did.

After I sent them to time out (in separate areas) to “think about why that wasn’t a good idea,” I asked Grace why she didn’t just come to me first and ask for some jello. She said, “I knew that you would be mad and say no.” I said, “honey, I wouldn’t be mad if you asked me first. I’m only upset because you didn’t ask me and you know you are supposed to ask me first before you get any food from the fridge. I would have actually given you some with your lunch.”

I saw something of myself, of Adam and Eve, of every human being who has ever lived on this earth in the eyes of my children today. Guilt. Shame. Remorse for being “caught in the act” of hidden sin and disobedience. And conviction of my own attitude towards God at times in Grace’s response to me, “I thought you would say no and be mad (so I hid instead).”

Hmmm…reminds me a little of the Parable of the Minas and the servant who hid his treasure in the ground instead of investing it because “I knew you as a hard man…and I was afraid…so I hid (what you gave me)” (Matthew 25:14-30). That servant didn’t know his master very well, did he? He had a wrong idea of who he was and how he would respond to him, so instead of obeying him and investing his treasure, he hid it out of fear and was punished as a result. But he would have been rewarded like the other two servants had he simply known His master and obeyed him.

Psalm 81 tells a similar story. God seeking Israel’s best, calling them to hear His voice and walk in His ways, but they refused. They rebelled. They did what they wanted to their own detriment.  Why? They didn’t trust in God or in His goodness towards them, even though He had demonstrated it time and time again. The Psalmist  says, “He would have fed them also with the finest of wheat; and with honey from the rock I would have satisfied you” (verse 16).

Are you hiding anything from your Heavenly Father, friend? Do you fear coming to Him because you know Him to be “a hard man”? Do you think that He will turn you away? Reject you or fail to give you something you want or deeply desire? Or are you ashamed because of a hidden sin?

The Bible has good news for all of us!

As for our sins:

“If we confess our sins, He will be faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9

“He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13

As for our desires and wishes:

“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?” – Romans 8:32

Perhaps the next time Grace is tempted to take some treat without asking, she will remember that I told her it could likely be hers (without shame, time outs, or remorse) if she would just ask me first and allow me to give it to her when I felt was best.

Perhaps the next time I am tempted to do things my way to get what I want instead of first asking God if it is good for me, I will think about this as well. If it is good for me and glorifying to Him, He will hold nothing back. He’s a gracious Daddy. He wants to give me what is best. If it will be harmful to me, He will withhold it for good reason.

I was reminded today of the joy that is ours when we come out of hiding and come clean with our Maker. When we acknowledge our sins to Him, He gives us what we least deserve – mercy and forgiveness and a clear path to restoration. He is a loving Father who can handle the honest confessions we bring to Him – and it is only then that we can be healed and He can deliver us from our “golden idols” and lead us to our Promised Land.

Mercy is waiting for us if we just take one step of faith and come out of hiding.

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The Ministry of Babies

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“Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
    to still the enemy and the avenger.”

~ Psalm 8:2 ESV

Today I decided to grab a cup of coffee from the 711 on our street after my early morning run with Abigail. The cool spring air had been invigorating to us both as I ran and she gazed up in awe at the blossoming trees, flowers, and people who walked by us on their way to the metro station for work. Now my hands were semi-frozen and her nose was pink and I wanted something warm in my hands immediately, if at all possible. I strapped her to me in the baby carrier and kept her cute little purple crocheted hat on so her ears stayed warm. The other girls stayed at the house “helping” Daddy get ready for work.

I first notice her ministry today as we crossed the street to enter the convenience store. A man driving a large truck peered out his window at us, beaming a huge smile in response to her cuteness parading by him.

As we entered the 711, it seemed all eyes were fixated on her. I was a tired, unkempt, sweaty mess, but that mattered little to this early morning crowd – because I had brought with me a living ray of sunshine, strapped to my chest and gazing out at them all with a huge smile on her face that said, “I am happy and I love being alive!”

There was a long line at the checkout and as we passed each person it seemed they “woke up” just by seeing her; even the darkest, most worrisome brow seemed to ease in tension and tired, impatient faces melted into adoring smiles.

A man who worked at 711 hovered beside me as I poured in my creamer just to get a closer look. “She’s just lovely,” he said, smiling, as he took her soft, little hand in his rough, calloused one to shake it a gentle “hello.” As I paid for my coffee, the smiles continued until at last I exited the store to head up  the hill to my home. I walked, shaking my head to myself, re-amazed at something I have seen – born witness to hundreds of times – since I first had Grace 4 1/2 years ago – the ministry of babies. A service of smiles.

Their very entrance into the world brings a sigh of relief, a breath of fresh air to this weary world, reminding us all that there is hope for this troubled place we call “home.”

As I had witnessed this morning, even the weariest and most downcast of souls seem to receive a jolt of joy when a baby enters the room.

Why is this?

I think it’s pretty obvious…they are so darn cute! They are adorable, little, soft, and lovable. They have no pretension; nothing to prove. Their cheeks beg to be kissed and their arms ache to be held. They are beautifully and perfectly vulnerable. They smell like fresh powder and the air after it rains and every other perfect smell combined. And they make us feel human and happy and alive again. And this is their ministry. Upon seeing them, we smile – and perhaps the smile begets a positive thought which shifts us in a new direction. Perhaps at times God uses these little, humble, needy ones to move us  from a heart full of negativity and complaining to a heart full of thankfulness.

Babies aren’t yet able to show if they are going to be smart, talented, popular, rich, or famous. In simply being who God has created them to be and doing what they have been designed to do at this stage and season of their lives, in the midst of their total neediness, rather than in spite of it, they minister to everyone they meet.

Perhaps there is something we can learn from these little ones, if we will crouch low and listen to their lullaby. Perhaps delighting in how God has created us and simply and joyfully doing what God has designed us to do, weaknesses and all, we fulfill our greatest purpose.

Perhaps it is when we come as we truly are before God – vulnerable, helpless, and broken, but smiling because we know Whose we are -that  we can bring the most joy, the most love, the most good that God has deposited in us  – to the hearts of others.

For as we walk thankfully, content with who He has made us to be and doing what He has called us to do, we glorify Him. And in glorifying Him, others around us see what a good God He is. And isn’t that really what life is all about?

 

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